Always think before you speak.

But it’s not only to avoid the self-loathing embarrassment that stupidity brings. When you think before you speak, you have a brief moment to gather your thoughts. To evade spewing your emotional responses all over someone.

When you pause, you can better emphasize.

Here’s how to master the pause:

Try to reciprocate emotions.

With most emotions, people want to share and reciprocate congruent reactions.

When someone feels joy, express joy back to them. When someone feels annoyed, share empathy in their annoyance. “When your responses accurately fit what the other person is saying (and feeling), it tells them you understand them — that you can walk a mile in their shoes,” writes Patrick King.

This is your empathy pause, giving you time to think before you speak.

Always react 5x slower than you think you should.

Most people respond instantly, within a second of a remark.

They toss out whatever their emotions dug up at the moment. But waiting five seconds to reply, especially to a triggering event, will give you time to keep your emotions in check and gather your thoughts.

The added benefit is watching the other party squirm in silence.

If you want to look in control, always think before you speak, or better yet, don’t speak at all.

“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”

- Abraham Lincoln