5 Important Steps To Not Sacrifice Happiness In The Sprint To Success
Blaming work for unhappiness is too easy and ineffective.
According to Gallups 2022 State of the Global Workplace report, sixty percent of people reported being emotionally detached and 19% as miserable at work.
Sure a toxic work culture, a shitty manager, and a grueling commute will check a few marks in the unhappiness department, but unhappiness is caused by something different.
When I was younger, I thought being successful and making money would make me happy.
I'd set ambitious goals, achieve them, and move to chase the next carrot. What I realized was I never officially arrived. None of it ever made me happy.
All it did in my pursuit of happiness was pull me further away from it.
What is unhappiness?
We all suffer from The Arrival Fallacy, or the Happily Ever After Fallacy when we believe that we will be happy when something happens.
It's the "illusion that once we make it, once we attain our goal or reach our destination, we will reach lasting happiness," says positive psychology expert Tal Ben-Shahar. It's such an easy trap to fall into.
Because someone isn't happy in the present moment, they believe they'll be happy when "I get the new house; they new car; the promotion."
And yet, when we get those things, it gives a short-term boost of happiness which quickly fizzles out to restart the perpetual cycle of continuously chasing and never arriving.
Buddhists call these the three types of suffering.
1/ The suffering of suffering.
Everyone tends to get trapped here.
It's the suffering we're all so used to. It's the suffering of birth, old age, sickness, and separation, encountering undesirable events, and not achieving what we want, even after pursuing it.
"What is the suffering upon suffering? It is that which is painful when arising, painful when remaining, and pleasant when changing."
2/ The suffering of change.
Nothing ever stays the same.
Life is constantly moving, and who you were a second ago is different from who you are now. Therefore, whatever you believe you have, is never truly yours.
That freaks people the F out.
"The suffering of change is that which is pleasant when arising, pleasant when remaining, but painful when ceasing."
3/ All-pervasive suffering.
This suffering is rarely recognizable.
It's the anxiety and insecurity we hold even during our happiest moments. "Deep down, we fear that life doesn't offer us solid ground and that our very existence is questionable," writes The Lion Roar.
Suffering may seem so dismal, but knowing the areas of suffering can bring awareness to achieving happiness.
Seeking happiness leads you to be unhappy.
Happiness isn't a destination.
It's not a goal you can set for the future. It's not something that a dream, a materialistic achievement, or something another person can provide you.
Happiness can never happen in the future; it can only occur in this present moment.
It's liberating to know that both happiness and suffering are always temporary.
With time, both rise and fade as if they were the tides of the ocean. Without suffering, you cannot have happiness, and without happiness, you cannot have suffering.
But, it's possible to turn on the spouts of happiness more often:
5 Steps to The Happiness Habit
1/ Understand happiness isn't a future destination; it can only happen in the present moment.
Learn to be mindful of the present moment.
Don't ponder the past or live for the future—everything important is happening right now.
Create a simple daily mindfulness habit:
Set an alert that goes off every hour. When you hear the bell, remind yourself to be present in whatever you're doing.
I use Time Out on my computer and an hourly reminder on my phone.
Use what works best for you.
2/ Accept impermanence.
Everything is temporary.
Nothing survives time, so remember, you die a little more every second that passes. Your house, family, and body are not "yours."
Impermanence also includes pain and suffering.
Nothing is permanent.
Nothing!
3/ Reflect on your priorities.
Ask yourself, are the things that hold you back or cause you to be unhappy more important than being fully alive?
Are money, houses, and success more important than living joyfully?
You'll often find that less is always more.
4/ Engage in social connection.
Endless studies show that having a strong social network makes you happier.
So, do things in the real world, not on the computer. Build connections that matter. You don't need a million social media followers; what you need is genuine human connection.
While you're at it, eliminate toxic people from your life.
5/ Do nice things for others
Giving back and helping others is shown to increase people's happiness index.
It not only helps you be a more joyful person, but it helps spread joy to other people. Happiness leads to happiness. Help others. Have compassion for everything.
One of the best practices comes from the Theravada Buddhist tradition, called The Four Wishes.
It involves offering four kinds of warm wishes to five types of people.
The four wishes are:
to be safe,
to be healthy
to be happy,
and to be at ease.
And the five types of people to bless these wishes upon are:
someone we appreciate,
a friend,
a neutral person,
someone who is challenging to be around,
and ourselves.
Here's how it works:
First, close your eyes and follow your breath flowing in and out.
Second, think of someone you appreciate and say to yourself, "May you be safe, may you be healthy, may you be happy, may you live with ease."
Then repeat this with a friend, a neutral person, a challenging person, and yourself.
These simple practices shine the light on compassion, which leads to your happiness.
If you want to spark the light of happiness within you, realize happiness isn't some future event.
Happiness happens within you.
No amount of living in the past or pursuing the future will make you happy.
The more mindful habits you incorporate into your daily routine, the happier you'll be, even during difficult times.
