How To Get In The Mind Of Your Negotiation Counterpart
We all make decisions off emotion. It's our negotiation Achilles heel.
Emotions control us. They take over our brains like an invading alien attack. The difference is, when it comes to your emotions, you have no idea it's happening.
As Daniel Kahneman remarks in his book Thinking Fast and Slow,
"We are blind to our own blindness."
For a successful negotiation, you must get in the mind of your counterpart before the negotiation begins.
You must become intimate with your counterpart's emotions. It's what Chris Voss calls the Accusation Audit. It's a preemptive tactic where you hypothesize what the other side may be thinking.
Once you've identified these emotions, you then address these thoughts before your counterpart can voice them.
You remove the stinger before it has a chance to sting you.
Once you think about the emotions of your counterpart, it will help you empathize with them. It enables you to see what they see — so you avoid being distracted by your feelings.
Prepare for your negotiation by getting in the mind of your counterpart.
To do this, you need to create an exhaustive list of all the assumptions, thoughts, and feelings the other person may hold against you.
You're expensive.
The product is of low quality.
You're cheap.
Meetings are frustrating.
You're just another customer/vendor.
Your hair is too perfect.
They've never heard of you before.
Irate customers stress you out.
Resolving problems is annoying.
They dislike salespeople.
You screwed up their last order.
They hate having to buy the product you sell.
Working in a call center stinks.
Your goal is to list all the negative emotions.
Even if the feelings aren't accurate, it's an attempt to show your understanding of their situation. It's empathy that leads to rapport building.
Don't be shy about this process. List everything. You're the only one who's going to see it, so don't hold back.
An example Chris Voss gives is when you call the electric company to lower your bill,
You're going to think that I'm another cheap, irate customer who's going to berate you just to take some aggression out. You probably also think that I have no idea how busy you are and no clue about what you have to go through every day.
Chris suggests before you make an ask from someone, you should set the ask up with an accusation audit. But to enhance the results, ask a non-oriented question before the accusation audit.
Would you be against me sharing the direction I think we should take with you?
A no-oriented question is designed to get the other side to say no, and we feel more "protected" when we don't have to commit to anything, like a yes.
Once you correctly place your no question, perform an accusation audit.
This is going to sound unfair, and it may even seem like—as an organization—we don't have it together, and we're confused.
The goal is to take the sting out of your ask.
By conducting an accusation audit, you enhance your ability to show the other party, you understand them. It's not a mutually exclusive game, but rather a journey of understanding and win/win negotiations.
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