Why Your Biggest Problem Is A Lack Of Communication

Some of the biggest problems in my life are a result of bad communication.

It'd be great if I could look at the past, point the finger, play victim, and blame it all on everyone but me, but the fact is, it's an even war.

My problems are born from lousy communication in every aspect of life. 

I'm sure you're no different.

First, we need to understand what lousy communication is.

Bad communication takes form in hundreds of mediums, but there are a few fundamental principles, no matter how you're communicating. 

Never make assumptions

I've made stupid mistakes based on my assumptions.

Whether you're talking with someone, or it's via message (i.e., messenger, email, etc.), never assume something you don't know or understand.

Our emotions take over, and we assume what others feel, think, and do. 

The best way to overcome assumptions is by being empathetic and asking questionsand will turn most difficult conversations into a productive dialogue.

" I'm sorry, Maria, it sounds like you're frustrated, and I'm sorry for that. Can you elaborate on why x has caused you so much frustration? Once I know more, I'll try and see what I can do to help you."

Don't pretend you know something. Speak up!

You know the type when you're in a conversation and the person yes's you to death. 

Do you understand? 

"Yes"

Are you an expert in gravitational forces that protect the planet. 

"Yes." 

Are you…

There's no need to pretend you understand something.

If it's not making sense, don't assume you think you know. Ask questions.

See the trend here?

"Maria, I'm not sure what you meant when you said that I need to focus on respecting other people's focus time. It was unclear to me. Would you be so kind as to elaborate so I can get better understand what you mean and apply it in the future?" 

Jocko Willink says in Leadership Strategy and Tactics,

The best way to ensure that people understand isn't by simply asking them if they understand. Too often, that will result in people nodding yes because they don't want to admit their lack of comprehension. The best way is to ask them to explain the guidance back to you in their way.

Actively listen and abolish multitasking. 

My wife hates talking to me.

Women call it "men listening skills."

She thinks just because I'm a man, that I have terrible listening skills. But, between us, it's something else. 

It's called interruption, or better yet, a form of multitasking which I label, multilistening. 

People are comfortable barging in on you and start talking. When this happens, you can't fully pay attention.

You're in the middle of something else. 

When you multitask, you're giving up quality on the two things you're working on. 

If someones talking to you while you're doing something else, you're likely missing key things they're saying.

You need to listen actively 

Here's are some quick tips to develop your written and verbal communication. 

Written Communication

Written communication takes many forms, whether it's email, text messages, or a LinkedIn message; they all follow the same written principles. 

Practice these tips as you write…

• Be clear and concise and get to the point.

• Start with the essential point.

• Use bullet points.

• Write short sentences.

• Paragraphs are your friend.

• Use bold formatting to draw attention to crucial information. 

• Make a call if it's important or requires more detail. Use email to recap.

Verbal Communication

Verbal communication can be in person, over the phone, or a similar medium. 

Although, when in-person, verbal communication changes as you now have direct body language to factor in, but here, I'm grouping them all. 

Here are some quick tips you can start using today…

• Speak clearly.

• If you don't understand, say it.

• Ask questions.

• Take notes on relevant topics.

• Look them in the eyes, but not too much. Creep!

• Repeat what they said to show them your listening and to understand them better. 

• Confirm you're actively listening with head nodes and verbal cues.

• Send an email after your conversation to recap your discussion and next steps.

Communication is essential, without it, we don't understand each other, and nothing gets done. 

Develop your skills and strive to get better. It's worth it.