The Truth Of Why You Get Distracted And What To Do About It

What we think of as “distractions” isn’t the real cause of being distracted.

That’s a lie we tell ourselves or to make us feel better. Distractions are a place we escape to seek relief from discomfort. You flee to your phone, not because it distracts you but because listening takes effort and patience and “a spirit of surrender.”

It’s about confronting limitations.

I’m naturally an introvert, and when I attend conferences and masterminds, I typically want to be away from the activity, preferably in a dark, cozy corner, reading a book on my phone.

My limitation is, I’m in an environment I feel uncomfortable in, and my phone doesn’t distract me; my escaping to something comfortable and easy does.

Some Zen Buddhists believe “that the entirety of human suffering can be boiled down to this effort to resist paying full attention to the way things are going, because we wish they were going differently (‘This shouldn’t be happening!’), or because we wish we felt more in control of the process.”

What you can do to pay more attention, even during uncomfortable situations.

The most effective way to avoid distraction is to stop expecting things to be perfect and be comfortable with unpleasantness, writes Oliver Burkeman in his incredible book Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals.

Accept that some things will suck monstrously, and be okay with that. There’s a lesson in everything. Take all of life in.

Don’t chase the feelings of peace, “but to acknowledge the inevitability of discomfort, and to turn more of your attention to the reality of your situation than to railing against it.”

When presented with a boring or challenging moment, adopt an attitude of extreme curiosity.

“Your goal isn’t to achieve any particular outcome, or successfully explain your position, but, as Hobson puts it, ‘to figure out who this human being is that we’re with.’”

Be curious. Be a researcher in relationships. And most of all, accept things for what they are and take in all the juicy unpleasantness.