Become A Negotiating Powerhouse, With This Simple Tactic
Conflict is an opportunity.
We often view conflict as bad. As if, there's always a terrible consequence.
It's right for people who don't take a healthy view on human behavior or operate in a self-serving, non-empathetic world.
But conflict is an opportunity to see someone else's side, and to negotiate.
A client came to me with a huge problem.
They had a shipment of aircraft material headed to an aircraft maintenance facility, but for some reason, the freight forwarder lost it.
The client risked $50,000+ of lost goods and the harmful impact of an aircraft that can't fly, which is much more costly.
They called me frantic, in a panic, and wanted me to jump over the moon to resolve their problem.
The challenge was, this wasn't our freight partner, so we couldn't resolve it ourselves directly.
I had to negotiate, reduce the client's stress, offer a solution to the problem, and work closely to conclude the issue.
I started the conversation by saying…
“It sounds like you're under incredible stress, client."
Putting a label on the problem showed that I understood their situation. I was intently listening and empathetic to the situation.
As I proposed solutions, they didn't initially like, I had to label it…
”It seems like you disagree with the solutions I've presented."
This opened up the opportunity for me to hear their genuine concerns and or the ideas that they had in place.
The solutions I presented we're more costly to execute, but it would get them what they needed.
In the end, we resolved the problem, and the client was more than happy, but it all started with a label.
A Label gives voice to your counterpart.
When you attach a label to something, it shows the other person you're trying to understand their feelings.
It's essential to avoid first-person pronouns when you label. The first-person pronoun puts you at the center and makes everyone feel like you're putting yourself as the priority, says Chris Voss.
Avoid statements like:
"What I'm hearing…"
"I think…"
When you label, you're trying to understand the counterpart, without making assumptions. You're helping them become problem solvers.
Use labels throughout the negotiation.
According to Chris Voss, in his book Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It, great labels start with:
"It seems like..."
"It looks like..."
"You look like..."
It's impactful when you use these types of labels, say them in a positive tone, and end with an inflection that shows genuine curiosity.
Just imagine being on the receiving side of this type of conversation. It rarely happens. People are often self-oriented in a negotiation.
Using labels is an excellent way to defuse tension.
“It seems like you're yelling at me because…"
Most people will become emotional if they're being yelled at, or even worse, they won't acknowledge that the counterpart is having issues and help resolve it.
By placing a label on it, you acknowledge they're upset, and you naturally diffuse what could be a heated conversation.
Mislabeling can be just as effective.
You might think, why would I mislabel something and cause unnecessary confusion?
Mislabeling is when you intentionally misidentify your counterpart's feelings. It allows the other side to correct you.
People love to feel right. They love it even more when you admit your misunderstandings of an issue they're highly invested in.
When they correct you, you receive critical information.
Here's an example from the Black Swan group:
You: "It seems like you disagree with these terms."
Your negotiating partner: "I don't disagree with the terms. I'm concerned with the resources needed to execute them."
By mislabeling, you've verified the counterpart has no issue with the terms of the deal. She just has a problem with carrying them out.
Use labels in all your negotiations. It's a communication tactic that can be applied in almost all situations.
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