Why No Is Better Than Yes In A Negotiation
We're mentally exhausted — bombarded with messages that overwhelm our brains.
We live in a decision-making fatigue world. Your coworker, spouse, salespeople all want, often need you to yes to something.
Is this a good idea? Do you want to do that? Can you agree to this? How about this? What about that?
It induces I-want-to-rip-my-hair-out moments.
In the past, I always thought my mom's ability to turn any decision-making onto me was annoying. Her indecision drives me nuts.
But is it brilliant?
"Mom, what do you want for dinner?
" Oh, whatever you want."
This happens in almost all the questions I ask her. But it's not only my mom.
According to Chris Voss, that's why he requires his team only to ask, no-oriented questions later in the day.
Many studies say we're only able to make a certain amount of decisions every day.By the end of the day, our brains wear out.
It's why leaders like Mark Zuckerberg and Steve Jobs are famous for wearing the same daily outfits. They don't want to burn up their mental decision-making power on what to wear to make better decisions that are worth millions, if not billions of dollars.
The curse of yes oriented questions. Avoid them in all negotiations.
There are three types of yeses.
The first is a confirmation yes. These yeses are a sign of respect. It's also to ensure your counterpart is on the same "page" as you.
The second is a commitment yes. It's a common tactic in sales to ask questions that produce a series of consecutive yeses. The goal is to make small commitments that, over time, lead to a successful deal.
The third is a counterfeit yes, which is a result of decision-making fatigue. People are overwhelmed with decisions, so they'll say yes, just to shut you up. In sales, we call it a brush off.
When answering yes questions, people feel as though it's a sequence of commitments they must make.
Yes to this, yes to that.
Yes questions are never a good idea. They've been abused, which has resulted in immense decision-making fatigue.
Begin to add no oriented questions in all areas of your life, especially in negotiations.
A no helps diffuse the psychological trap of decision-making fatigue. It also helps combat the issues with the three types of yeses.
Where a yes feels like a commitment, a no feels like protection, says Chris Voss.
A no requires less mental work from your counterpart. Just think about how you feel in these situations.
Getting someone to say no is easy. The best part is almost all yes questions can be flipped to a no question.
But before I give you some examples, watch this incredible speech Ronald Reagan gave.
What do you notice? The flood of questions he asked were all no questions. You feel it. You feel protected. You want to scream, "NO!"
It feels right. Now imagine if he had asked these questions in the form of a yes. He wouldn't have had the same impact.
Here are a few examples, given by the Black Swan Group:
"Is this a good idea?" —> "Is this a ridiculous idea?"
"Do you want to do that" —> "Is this a stupid idea?"
"Can you agree to do it this way?" —> "Do you think it's unreasonable if we can both agree to take things in this direction?"
Almost all yes questions, can be flipped to a no questions by adding a few phrases to your question,
Have you given up on ...?
Is it ridiculous ...?
Would it be horrible ...?
Is it a bad idea ...?
As you begin to ask no oriented questions begin to combine them with other negotiation tactics such as labels, mirroring, and your core negotiation strategy.
You'll push deals forward faster and with ease as you're taking the mental burden off your counterpart.
Disclaimer: Some links in this post are affiliate links. If you click through and pay for a service, I’ll be compensated at no cost to you. I only recommend things I use myself. See my full disclaimer.
